


slow hands

by heatheninhiding



Series: eboys oneshots [5]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boys In Love, Gay Panic, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sexual Experimentation, alex and george are both switches in this and that is the gospel truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:46:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25489462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatheninhiding/pseuds/heatheninhiding
Summary: george goes to alex in the midst of a crisis and ends up getting far more than he'd bargained for.
Relationships: George Andrew/Alex Elmslie
Series: eboys oneshots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827814
Comments: 22
Kudos: 148





	slow hands

**Author's Note:**

> literally every george/alex fic i've written so far involves george having a gay panic i'm sorry george i love u <3

even with his trusty vpn, and the fact that he’s gone incognito, george is still really fucking anxious.

this feels wrong, forbidden, even though he knows it's not. he's watched porn before, got off to it even. hasn't almost everyone?

but it's different this time. he isn't looking for something to get off to; he's checking something.

he isn't entirely sure what he's looking to find as he browses through the site’s contents. everything’s so  _ graphic _ \- which, given the fact that it’s literally porn, shouldn’t shock him half as much as it does.

his hands are trembling as he clicks on a video.

he skips through it subconsciously as it buffers - that’s what he usually does when he watches porn,  _ regular  _ porn that is - until it gets to the juicy bits. loud moaning sounds fill his headphones and he almost jumps, choking out a shocked laugh at the scare.

then he’s swallowing down whatever doubt still lingers in him, letting himself soak in the sight of the man being practically pounded into a mattress by - another man. he exhales.

this is fine. this is normal. being a little bit turned on by this is  _ normal. _

the man on top - he’s quite muscly, george notices, big, bulky limbs glistening with sweat or whatever it is they lather all over pornstars, and he doesn’t know if he’s as into that as the other people watching this might be, per se - is ruthless, not holding back at all. the man underneath him takes it like a champ, though, managing to remain (mostly) upright, looking directly into the camera that's right in front of his face.

george knows he's hard. he can't bring himself to do it, though. can't bring himself to reach a hand inside his boxers and get off to this. even though he's all alone, in the middle of the night in the darkness of his own room. no one can see or hear him. but  _ still. _

he can't.

he shuts his laptop lid in a panic, takes off his headphones and sets them aside. he's panting hard.  _ shit,  _ he brings a hand up to his face, rubs at his skin and sighs deeply,  _ why did he  _ do _ that? _

he settles into his bedsheets, pulls the covers up to his chin despite wanting nothing more than to throw them off his body. he's sweating, but he doesn't want to see his own persistent hard-on, doesn’t want to have to acknowledge it.

he closes his eyes, thinks for a moment. lets himself replay the short fragment of the video he's just watched. goddammit.

he  _ isn't  _ gay. he isn't. there's just no way.

but he's still semi-hard - just from watching two men go at it. jesus fucking christ.

he closes his eyes again, wills his body to calm the fuck down so he can go to sleep. he can worry about this in the morning. everything's always clearer in the morning.

but sleep doesn't come for hours, not until well after his thoughts have gone into overdrive.

.

they’re both in the kitchen - george is making himself a sandwich, and alex is surveying the contents of the fridge. he’s wearing that oversized gucci hoodie that all their viewers make fun of him for having, and his hair is back in a messy fringe. it’s clear he’s just woken up, despite it being 3pm.

“how’d you figure out you were bi?” he asks it as conversationally as he can, even though the question is anything but casual.

alex turns to him, features twisted in slight surprise. george can’t blame him. they’ve lived together for, what, over 2 years now? and he’s never asked him that before, never shown any real interest.

“dunno, really. i guess i just sort of… knew?” he shuts the fridge door, moving to stand on the other side of the kitchen counter, facing george. “it was always there, and then one day i just realised it. why’d you ask?”

george hesitates. “dunno. just a bit curious, i guess.”

“why now?” he raises an eyebrow, leaning forward slightly on his elbows.

he shrugs. “jus’ been thinkin’ about it recently. about... ya know - ”

alex laughs. “gay shit?”

“yeah,” george rolls his eyes. “gay shit.”

alex smiles at him, playfully placing a hand across his heart, as though he’s pledging allegiance to someone. “well, as your very own resident gaylord, you can ask me anythin’ you want.”

george knows it’s meant to be a joke; he’s meant to laugh. but all he wants to do is cry at the warmth that fills his chest. he doesn’t deserve this boy, not one bit.

he nods, returning alex’s kind smile. “thanks, al.”

“course, mate. any time.”

.

it isn't the first time george has ever questioned his sexuality - if he were to say that, it would be a bold faced lie.

it's happened many a time. when he was a boy, suffering through puberty, growing into awkward limbs and willing his voice to finally break. and later on in his teenage years, too, when he'd date pretty girls and bring them back round to his house and make out with them in his room and hear that familiar, curious voice in the back of his head wonder what it might be like if the girl in his lap wasn't a girl at all, but a boy instead.

growing up in a liberal town that prided itself on its unconditional tolerance and still witnessing intense homophobic bullying at school was pretty confusing, to say the least. as was seeing stonewall posters with  _ some people are gay, get over it!  _ on them in bold print hung up in the same classrooms that he heard the word  _ gay  _ being thrown around in the form of an insult, a derogatory term, something you definitely wouldn't want to be.

it was the paradox to end all paradoxes, one that fucked with him in ways that still stick with him, to this day.

so, no, this isn't the first time he's questioning his own sexuality.

but, it's the first time he's allowing that thought process to fully unravel.

he had never let that happen before. he'd never allowed himself to explore those thoughts; that side of him, ever. any time that curious little voice in the back of his mind got too loud it was immediately quashed, pushed away, violently suppressed. because he wasn't gay. he couldn't ever be gay.

now, he's 22 years old, and his flatmate who also happens to be his best friend is bi, and so are tons of other people he considers himself mates with, and yet he's still in that same place he's always been in.

confused denial.

.

it’s later that same night, and george has questions.

too many questions. they fill up his mind, occupying every corner of it, not letting up.

he removes his headphones, takes a deep breath. exhales.

alex is laying in bed, phone in hand when george enters his room. he doesn’t knock, because what’s the worst that could happen? finding alex naked? they’ve seen each other naked plenty times before; hasn’t everyone seen their mates naked in some capacity? it’s practically a rite of passage in any friendship, george thinks.

“hey.” he says quietly, in an effort not to startle him. “can we… can i stay here for a bit?”

alex looks over, blinking slowly. “uh, sure?”

george makes his way over to the bed, sitting on the very edge of it. alex frowns, urges him to come closer as he pats the spot directly beside him. his bed isn’t as big as george’s, but it’s definitely wide enough to fit the two of them.

he swallows, lays back so he’s next to alex, head sinking into the soft pillow. he watches as alex briefly turns away to place his phone on the bedside table, before turning back to face george. now he’s got his full, undivided attention.

“everything alright?” he questions. “did you have a nightmare or something?”

he shakes his head. “no.”

they’re face to face, close enough that george can feel alex’s breath on his face when he speaks. he smells like toothpaste and fruity gum.

“i just…” he can’t find the right words. it’s like they’re right there, right on the tip of his tongue but he can’t fucking form them into sentences that make actual sense. he sighs, a sad, frustrated sigh that makes alex lift his head slightly.

“is this to do with earlier? the gay shit?”

george wants to snort - alex continuously referring to it as  _ the gay shit  _ shouldn’t be as funny as it is - but he can’t find it in him to, so he just nods instead, daring to meet alex’s eyes.

alex shuffles, fingers absently drawing patterns on his bedsheets. “is it… do you think you might be - ?”

“no.” george blurts out, too quickly. “well... that’s - i don’t fucking  _ know,  _ that’s the issue. i just - i don’t  _ know. _

it’s silent for a moment. alex just looks at him, not judging, just observing.

“that’s fine. you wanna talk about it?” alex shuffles closer, expression attentive. “we’ve got all night.”

george just looks at him, trying to find the right words again. he thinks carefully about what exactly he wants to say - he wants to talk about how fucking confused he is, how he keeps thinking about boys the same way he  _ should  _ be thinking about girls, the same way he's always thought about girls, and he fucking hates how much the idea of that scares him so much because it really  _ shouldn’t  _ -

“i watched gay porn,” is the panicked response that spills out of him instead. “and it… i didn’t hate it, like i expected to. and now i’m just -  _ fuck. _ i don’t know, alex, i don’t  _ know.” _

he feels like an idiot, a blithering, red-faced idiot, in his best friend’s bedroom talking to him about the fucking gay porn he’d watched the other night. who even does that?

alex looks relatively unfazed, though. “i mean, jus’ cause you liked it doesn’t mean you’re gay - right? like, i’m sure other straight guys watch it sometimes. s’just human curiosity.”

“does make ‘em a little gay if they like it, though,” he mumbles.

alex shrugs. "well, you know what some people say, everyone’s a little bit gay.”

george sighs. “but - but i didn’t  _ just  _ like it. i, like, thought of myself  _ doing  _ it. i thought about … like, which of them i’d be - ”

“what? like top or bottom?”

george feels his face heat up further. “yeah. yeah, that.”

alex nods. “well? do you know? which you’d be? hypothetically, of course.”

he shakes his head. he has no fucking idea. he’s too scared to even let himself ponder.

he’s opening his mouth again before he can fully think it through and stop himself. “what about you? are you… like, do you bottom? or top?” his face burns as he asks the question. gosh, this is so  _ weird. _

alex just thinks for a moment, then shrugs. “am not really anythin’ specific. it changes, not everyone fits neatly into a box.” he pauses for a second. “depends on the day, i guess, and the person.”

“yeah, guess so.”

alex continues. “i think people who call themselves tops or bottoms are just missing out on everything else. like, imagine just bein’ a top forever. you’ll never know how it feels to have it done to you. and vice versa, for ‘bottoms’, or whatever.”

george guesses that he does have a point. it would suck to miss out on what the other person gets to feel.

they lay there in silence for a while. not the awkward kind; it’s nice.

he has other questions - so many other questions. he could easily just go online, find those forums that are geared towards discussions surrounding sexuality, because there are tons of those out there, he reckons. he could even watch some youtube videos. who knows how many of them are specifically tailored around the questions he has and the help he might need?

but alex is right here. sat right beside him, on his spacious bed, looking as open-minded and honest as ever, eyes soft and kind, not a trace of judgement in them whatsoever.

“what if - ” his words catch in his throat, and he has to try again. “what if i wanted to try it? like… the gay stuff.”

alex snorts, but it isn’t mean. he’s smiling at him still, shaking his head slightly. “it’s 2020, mate. you can try whatever you want.” then he quickly adds, “long as you’re not, like, hurting anyone, of course.” and then, “ _ well,  _ unless they  _ like  _ being hurt, in like a kinky way, cos there are people who do like tha - ”

“alex.” george cuts him off, chest warm with fondness. “s’alright. i get what you mean.”

alex nods, big smile stretched across his face. “good.”

there’s another small bout of silence, and george finds himself staring into alex’s eyes. 

they’re nice, up close like this. really nice. slightly red because he’s tired - when  _ isn’t  _ this boy tired, he thinks - but still breathtakingly pretty.

george doesn’t think - just leans in, lips catching alex’s briefly. he couldn't really call it a kiss, it’s barely even a peck.

they both freeze. george abruptly pulls away. his head falls back onto the pillow, wide eyes glued to the ceiling, face on fire and heart pounding. fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

_ fuck. _

"i'm sorry. i don't know why i just did that."

the silence that follows lasts a few seconds too long. "it's okay."

it isn't, though. is it?

alex reaches for his hand, squeezes it slightly. "it's okay," he repeats, voice quieter, softer.

george nods, squeezes his hand right back, tighter. “okay.”

he should go back to his own room, his own bed. sleep this off so they can both wake up in the morning and pretend that - whatever  _ that  _ was - never happened.

but alex doesn’t let go of his hand, keeps it tightly entwined with his own, and george just doesn’t have the heart to pull it away. doesn’t have the heart to leave.

“goodnight, george,” alex says after a while, squeezing his hand again.

george says it back. “night, al.”

maybe it is okay.

.

george wakes up first.

he's still in alex's bed. they're facing each other, legs tangled. alex's eyes are still shut.

last night’s events come rushing back as george lays there, and he feels like someone’s socked him in the face.

he needs to get out of this bed, out of this room. instead, he lets himself lay there for a bit longer, watching alex in a rare state of complete serenity.

his mouth is slightly open, drool dampening the pillow underneath him. it’s as gross as it is endearing. his eyelashes fan out over his cheeks, long and dark and pretty. he's got the clearest skin george has ever seen on anyone, almost completely devoid of any marks or blemishes.

he's stunning, really.

without warning, his eyes are fluttering open and george panics, thinking he's been caught shamelessly staring. he quickly closes his eyes, pretends to be asleep. it’s too late, though - “i know you’re awake, bellend.”

george reopens his eyes, huffs in embarrassment.

alex smiles at him, muttering, “morning," through a yawn.

“morning.”

he waits - what for exactly, he isn't sure. alex doesn't move. they're both just laying there, staring at each other. it's almost like they're having a full blown conversation, but only using their eyes and nothing else.

he can't help it when his eyes trail down to alex's lips. they're full and pink and he can't for the life of him remember what it felt like to kiss them only just last night. if he could even call whatever that was a  _ kiss. _

he still feels like an idiot.

before he can fully process it, the lips he's staring at are inching closer. he can't even tell who's leaning in, if it's just one or both of them. all he knows is that he's kissing alex again, for real this time.

it's soft and slow but it knocks him out cold nonetheless because he doesn't expect it. he cups alex's face in his hand, thumb running along his cheek. alex does the same, hand trailing up the side of his neck, gently gripping his jaw.

then alex moves so he's hovering above him, arms braced on either side of his head. they kiss until george's lips feel numb and he can't breathe but it's so  _ good. _

it's not supposed to be good. but it is.

everything about it is good. the way alex is kissing him, the way he feels on top of him, body warm and soft and overwhelming in the best way possible. it's so good,  _ too  _ good -

\- and then suddenly it's over, all too quickly. alex abruptly pulls off him. rips his body away from george's and lays back down, body facing away from his.

george is panting. he can't even reflect on what the fuck just happened because alex's voice is filling the room.

"i'm sorry, i just - you were just staring at me like… like  _ that,  _ and i couldn't help it. i'm sorry."

george rapidly shakes his head before remembering that alex isn't facing him right now and can't see what he's doing. "no, no, s'alright. i…" he shouldn't say it. his brain begs him;  _ don't say it don't say it don't say it. _ "i liked it." fuck.

there's no taking that back.

a strained noise leaves alex's throat. "i thought you were  _ straight." _

george gulps. "me, too."

alex turns back around, so he's facing him again. his face is flushed, eyes wide. he's fully awake now, as is george. "so… do you think you might be gay then? or bi?"

george feels his chest tighten. "no. i don't - i don't know."

alex just stares at him, unreadable expression on his face. he shakes his head slowly, chest rising and falling steadily. "just because i'm bi doesn't  _ mean  _ that i - " he cuts himself off, briefly shutting his eyes, sighing in apparent frustration. "god, this is  _ exactly  _ what i didn't want to happen."

george feels his heart plummet. "what d'you mean?"

"i'm not - i'm not an experiment, george. you can't just, like,  _ use  _ me to figure yourself out - "

george shakes his head so fast it's almost dizzying. "no! i'm not, i promise! i'd never use you, fuck, i just - i don't know." he's starting to think that maybe the phrase  _ i don't know  _ has become a permanent fixture in his vocabulary. he feels pathetic, deflated almost. "i just - i want … you."

the words hang in the morning air, loud and clear despite the small voice george had used to utter them. he doesn't know why he said that, but he knows he meant it. he wouldn't have said it if he didn't.

alex’s eyes widen. "oh." his adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows.  _ "oh." _

"yeah."

then they're kissing again, and this time it's harder, and significantly more desperate.

alex resumes his previous position on top of george, every inch of their bodies lining up from their feet to their chests.

so this is what it feels like, then. to make out with another boy.

alex moans into his mouth, low and breathy, and it makes george shudder. he bucks his hips up without meaning to, and alex gasps, grinding back down against him.

they're both hard - when did  _ that  _ happen - and it’s so hot, in every sense of the word. their bodies slide against one another’s in an easy rhythm that feels natural and unreal at the same time. it’s messy, driven by pure hunger and want, but in a way that’s still controlled.

george has no idea what either of them are doing. all he knows is that it feels good. so he just lays there, panting desperately into alex’s mouth and letting him rub their lower halves together in a way that makes his whole body quiver.

there’s already a familiar heat brewing in his gut, pleasure lighting up his veins as alex moves against him. he can’t come now, it’s too soon, and he’s still fully clothed, for christ’s sake. but alex is hot and heavy on top of him, and his mouth is soft and pressed against the most sensitive area of his neck and it’s just so good and he's so, so close.

his whole body is shivering when he comes, head pushing back hard against the pillow underneath him. he can’t breathe almost, all the air suspended from his lungs. he should be embarrassed, he can’t remember the last time he came in his pants, probably because he’d deliberately blocked it from memory.

alex slowly gets off him, and george immediately misses the warmth, the weight of him, his lips on his neck, his body pressed so tightly against his.

he’s still trying to catch his breath. beads of sweat have begun gathering on his forehead and he regrets not having slept shirtless now.

he turns his head slightly to look at alex, who’s staring up at the ceiling, chest rising and falling at the same speed as george’s.

“was that,” alex starts, licking his lips and turning to meet george’s eyes. “are you alright?”

he wants to say yes and no at the same time. he wants to say he’s never felt better, that he wants to relive what just happened all over again, several times over. he wants to say  _ no,  _ he  _ isn’t  _ alright - he’s somehow even more confused than he ever was before. what sense does  _ that  _ make?

“yeah,” he chokes out, once he’s caught his breath. “m’alright.”

george’s shower is long and thorough, mainly because the majority of it is spent lost in thought underneath the stream of water.

when he’s finally back in his own bedroom, laying against fresh bed sheets, he allows himself to replay the morning’s events.

he wonders if alex is doing the same.

.

"i've been thinking," george all but jumps at the sound of alex’s voice behind him. "and i don't think i mind."

"mind what?"

“if you wanna figure yourself out. experiment, or whatever. you can… with me.” his lips are pursed, only a slight hint of edge in his eyes. “only if you want, of course. i just thought … you know, it's much safer than going out and doing it with some randomer.”

george just stares at him for a second, lets his words sink in before choking out a small, "yeah, okay."

"since i'm … fairly experienced with men and all, you can, ya know, ‘use’ me if you want."

the wording hurts - the fact that alex is willing to believe that george would ever want to  _ use  _ him in any capacity is painful to hear.

but he just nods, returns his smile.

.

they take it slow over the next couple weeks.

alex answers all of his questions - it doesn’t matter how stupid they are, and by god are some of them stupid. alex answers them all, takes his time with them, picks them apart and makes sure george isn’t left more confused by the end of it.

they kiss more; a lot more, and it’s quickly become one of george’s favourite things to do. they’ll do it for ages, sometimes well into the middle of the night, only detaching their lips for much needed intakes of air in between each kiss.

he isn’t sure why he’d expected there to be a major difference between being sucked off by a girl and then by another guy, but there’s barely any difference when it comes down to it, really. he might even go as far as to say that it’s better.

george isn’t an idiot.  _ well,  _ he is, but not so much of an idiot that he doesn’t realise what’s happening.

there’s no way he’s straight - he can’t be, not when he likes the feeling of alex’s lips on his so much, not when the close proximity of their bodies makes his heart race every single time, not when he finds himself craving his touch and certainly not when alex is capable of turning him on so easily.

he could - or, rather, he should - let alex know that he’s more or less figured himself out, that the ‘experiment’ was successful.

but where would that leave him?

he doesn’t want it to end, as pathetic as it sounds. he doesn’t want to have to stop kissing alex, doesn’t want to risk their late nights together coming to an inevitable end.

so he doesn’t say anything. just keeps asking questions and abandoning his own bed in favour of sleeping with alex in his.

he ignores that voice in the back of his head, the one with the increasingly warning tone. the one that’s desperately trying to let him know exactly what he’s getting himself into, that he’s going to end up catching some dangerous feelings if he doesn’t stop.

it doesn’t matter, at the end of the day. the damage is already done.

.

he's fixing himself some tea in the kitchen when alex sidles up to him. “so, i’ve been thinking again. and you wanna figure out if you're a top or a bottom, right?"

george nearly chokes, both at his sudden presence and at his words. "well, yeah, i - i guess."

george lets the implications of alex’s words sink in properly, feeling his cheeks slowly heat up as they do.

the idea of it settles deep in his stomach, hot and cold. what would it feel like? to fuck alex? to have alex fuck  _ him?  _ what would any of that entail?

"you can do me first, if you want. s'your choice." alex purses his lips, as though he’s read george’s thoughts. “i don’t mind.”

george can feel it already - the  _ want,  _ bubbling up inside of him. he wants it. he wants all of it. “yeah, alright,” he hopes his voice doesn’t give him away. he wants to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“tonight, yeah?”

george would probably drop everything right  _ now  _ if alex asked, but he doesn’t wanna come off as  _ too _ desperate (even though he is). he just nods, managing a small, lopsided smile that alex returns.

.

they’ve been kissing for what feels like hours now, but has only realistically been about ten minutes. they’re in alex’s bed - he might as well stop calling it alex’s, at this point. they’ve practically got shared ownership of it now. it’s familiar and it’s safe, and george feels like he’s sinking further and further into the hole he’s been digging himself this past month or so. he hasn’t allowed himself to acknowledge it, but it’s getting harder and harder not to.

then alex pulls away, slowly moving down his body and tugging gently at his waistband once he’s comfortably settled in between his spread legs. george takes a shallow breath, helps him out by slightly lifting his hips.

it feels just as good as it did the first time, when alex takes him into his mouth. he can’t help but sit up, lean back on his elbows so he can watch alex run his tongue along the length, slowly but surely take him down his throat.

it’s all too soon when alex pulls off. he gets on his back and george takes the hint, heart pounding as he rolls over on top of him. he’s pulled back down again, into another kiss. he’s beginning to realise that he really could do this for hours - kiss him, that is. he wonders if kissing other guys feels the same, or if it’s just alex. he doesn’t even know if he cares to find out.

“fingered myself in the shower,” alex whispers against his lips, barely audible, like it’s a secret. “so, i’m ready, when you are.”

the muscles carrying him feel weak suddenly, fuzzy like remnants of pins and needles, but he holds himself up, whispering a small, “okay,” in response.

“there’s lube and condoms in the top drawer.” he points in the general direction of his bedside table.

_ god, this is really happening. _ george reaches over, opens the drawer and fishes out what they need.

he nearly rips the packaging in his haste, making alex puff out a laugh that crawls into george’s chest, warm and safe.

alex lathers his cock with lube once he’s got the condom on, wide, inquisitive eyes staring up at him.

“you’re sure about this, yeah?”

there’s so much he wants to say; how beautiful he thinks alex looks like this, all spread out for him. how much he wants this; how long he’s been thinking about, dreaming about, just  _ picturing  _ this. but also how bloody scared he is. because, realistically, this changes everything. kissing, sleeping in the same bed, even blowjobs - sure, you can’t take that stuff back. but what they’re about to do now is something you definitely can’t ever take back.

“yeah, i’m sure,” he leans down, kisses him, hopes the kiss portrays everything he can’t bring himself to say aloud. “promise.”

alex nods, visibly relaxing. “okay,” he whispers back. “then fuck me, yeah?”

more thoughts rush through his mind as he positions himself, places his free hand on alex’s thigh. what if he does it wrong? sure, he’s had sex before, he isn’t  _ that  _ much of a virgin. but all those times were different. none of those girls had ever mattered to him half as much as alex does. so, what if he’s shit? what if alex hates it?

“c’mon,” alex whispers, hand on his hip, gently coaxing him forwards. “want you.”

george melts. he feels something prick at his eyes.  _ god,  _ is he really about to become one of those losers that cry during sex?

he takes another deep breath, then slowly pushes in.

alex is already wet inside with lube, evidently stretched open just like he’d said but still unbelievably tight and warm. he hears alex’s breath catch in his throat, hands coming up to grip tightly at his shoulders.

all he can think as he bottoms out is  _ yep, definitely gay. _ he can’t laugh, though, can’t even breathe when he comes to think of it. alex sucks him in so nicely, hot and wet and just fucking incredible.

he feels like he’s floating, on another universe entirely. a universe consisting of nothing but alex - alex and his pretty blue-green eyes and his soft, milky thighs and his -

a whimper brings him back down to earth. “you - you okay?”

george nods, leans down and catches alex’s lips in between his own. “more than okay.”

“you can - move, you can move now, feels really good.”

so george pulls out slowly, almost but not quite all the way, before pushing back in, keeps his eyes glued to alex’s face.

"go- oh, god, yeah, that's good," alex whines. "you're -  _ yeah,  _ you're so good."

it makes something inside of him light up, knowing alex feels good. praise during sex was never necessarily something that got him going, but he thinks he’d probably do anything to hear alex let him know how good he’s making him feel.

george fucks into him slowly, only fastening his pace when alex starts pleading for him to. it’s rough and heady; george looks down to see alex touching himself, looks back up to see his eyes closed, mouth open, face all scrunched up. he’s close, and so is george.

alex gasps his name as he comes, and george fucks him through it, following pretty quickly.

they kiss, long and hard and deep. george feels it in his bones.

he doesn’t regret anything - not that he’d expected to. he feels invigorated, alive.

“wanna do you now,” alex murmurs.

george wants to crack a joke - say  _ steady on there, fella.  _ or something equally as stupid. but he's too overwhelmed, every part of his body buzzing with something akin to electricity.

they switch positions. alex leans down to kiss him again, soft and sweet. george stares at the lube in his hand, heart going a mile a minute.

fucking alex is one thing - the only real difference between fucking a girl and fucking alex is that alex happens to have a cock - but having alex do the same to  _ him  _ is something else entirely.

he feels his heart in his throat as he watches alex squeeze a generous amount of lube onto his fingers. he isn't completely aware of what expression he has on his face, but it must be pretty grim because alex halts his motions.

“we don't have to do it the other way round if you don't want to." he says softly, placing the bottle of lube down on his bedside table.

george shakes his head quickly. “no, no, i want it - i  _ do  _ want it." and he isn't lying, he  _ does  _ want it. he's just really fucking scared. "we don't have to if  _ you _ don't want to.”

“no way," alex scoffs. "it feels really fucking good, don't want you to miss out,” he says as he rubs his fingers together, heating up the cold substance.

alex places a gentle hand on george's thigh, softly rubbing the sensitive skin there. "are you sure you want this?" he asks again.

"yeah, m'sure," george nods. "i promise."

he spreads his legs wider to accommodate alex in between them, keeping his eyes glued to his focused face.

he can't help feeling embarrassed as alex’s fingers gently prod at an area he’d never imagined anyone but himself going anywhere near. he slings an arm across his red face, willing the temperature in the room to cool down.

alex must sense his embarrassment, and he sighs, making george slightly lower his arm. "would it … would it make you feel better if i said i really liked it?” he questions softly.

"what?" he mumbles, voice shaky as alex slowly enters a single finger.

“the way it looks, the way … the way  _ you  _ look, like this. i like it, a lot. turns me on." he goes deeper, rendering george speechless as he slowly thrusts his finger in and out, before swiftly entering a second. “makes me wanna fuck you.”

george shudders, removing the arm from his face completely so he can look at alex.

“you want it, right? you want me to fuck you?” he starts making scissoring motions inside of him, expertly easing him open.

george nods, holding back moans. “yeah,” he manages. “want you to."

there’s a third finger inside him now, all three of them right up to the knuckle, preparing him for what’s to come next.

it hits him then - how glad he is that it’s  _ alex  _ he’s experiencing this with for the first time. someone he knows,  _ trusts,  _ more than anyone.

he watches as alex fumbles with the condom, carefully placing it on. he adds more lube, too, just for good measure.

he uses one hand to position himself, the other entwining with george’s against the velvety pillowcase. “you want this, yeah?”

george nods, legs coming up to wrap themselves around alex’s waist. “yes, yeah. please.”

then he’s pushing in, slowly. almost too slowly, like he’s being extra careful. the stretch takes george’s breath away. it hurts, but only a little, the pleasure outweighing the pain by a mile.

he leans down to kiss him once he eventually bottoms out, deep and reassuring. "okay?"

george can't speak, can’t trust his voice to be steady. he just nods, does his best to communicate to alex with his eyes that he's definitely okay.

he loves this, he realises. he loves it a lot. not just getting fucked, obviously, but everything else, too. the fact that it’s alex and not some random bloke from the pub he knows next to nothing about, someone who probably wouldn’t care enough about him to go slow or make sure he’s okay. not to mention the way alex kisses him every so often, looks down at him with those soft eyes that make his own eyes water.

he’s on a cloud that he never wants to come down from. he wants this forever, he realises. that should be a scary thought, all things considered, but he can ponder on it another time. right now, all he wants to focus on and all he really  _ can  _ focus on is alex, who’s now hitting a spot inside of him that makes him see stars; makes him let out sounds that he didn’t even think were possible for him to produce.

alex looks so good above him, focused and determined, fucking him like it’s his only purpose. he can’t remember the last time he felt this good.

three words flash through his mind and he has to bite his tongue to prevent them from spilling out.

“you feel really good,” alex whispers into him, kissing the skin directly beneath his lips. “this is good for you, yeah?”

how’s he meant to even put it into words? he’ll be understating, regardless of what he says. “yeah, yeah, please don’t stop.”

alex smiles, but it’s weak, eyebrows furrowed as he fucks into him harder, takes his cock into his hand and jerks him off in time with his deep, well angled thrusts.

it’s too good, and he isn’t gonna last. he  _ wants  _ it to last, wants to stay like this forever. with alex and no one else, and maybe that’s crazy, insane, unthinkable. but he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care about anything anymore. just alex, in this moment.

his toes curl and his back arches as he comes, hard and unforgettable. he knows he’s loud but he can’t help it. he feels it when alex comes, even with the condom on, and it prolongs his own orgasm.

those three words are back again, dangerously perched on the tip of his tongue as alex pants into the side of his neck. he has to remind himself that this is all meant to be an experiment; it hits him hard, like a sucker punch to the gut.

alex is just being a good friend, helping him out.

there’s a prickly feeling in his eyes again, and he’s blurting it out, before alex has even fully pulled out -

“i’m bi.” it feels weird to say it out loud. a good weird, though. “i’m definitely bi.”

alex blinks at him, smiling. “oh. that’s good. did - did that help?”

“yeah, but - ” he gulps, looks up at alex, still hovering above him, waiting. how is he meant to say this without scaring him off? “i don’t - this wasn’t just an experiment. you weren’t … you were never just an experiment.”

alex doesn’t say anything, just stares at him, eyes wide, waiting for george to keep going.

“i don’t want you to think that i’ve been using you,” his voice is getting progressively quieter. “you mean so much more to me, always have. even before we started … you know, all  _ this. _ i wasn’t just. using you to figure myself out. i - ”  _ deep breaths, deep breaths. _ “i still want you. even though i think i’ve ‘figured’ myself out now. whatever  _ that  _ means.”

alex swallows. “yeah,” is all he says, and then - “i guess. falling in love is pretty fuckin’ terrifying, innit?”

george’s heart skips at alex’s words.  _ what? _ “what?”

alex shrugs, expression suddenly timid. “i never in a million years thought i’d ever have a chance with you, i never even let myself entertain it, because you were straight. and then when you - when you kissed me, it made me think - ” he exhales, shaking his head slightly. “even if you end up never wanting anything to do with me ever again, even if you  _ do _ end up realising you aren’t straight and you go and find someone else to be with that isn’t me - i thought, fuck it, i’ll take what i can get.”

george shakes his head, not believing what he’s hearing.

he thinks of a million different responses, every one of them being some variation of  _ i love you. _ “i don’t - i don’t want anyone else,” is what he ends up whispering into the air between them.

it feels like a promise when they kiss. that voice in the back of his mind - the one that’s been consistently warning him for weeks on end about how dangerous it is to let himself fall the way he has been - is muted, because although he may have fallen, he’s been caught. all those voices that keep him up at night, fill him with fear and dread and leave him with a bitter, unsure taste in his mouth, are silenced by alex’s lips against his. yeah, he’s  _ definitely  _ in love.

“you’re right,” he says against his mouth. “falling in love is fucking terrifying.”

“yeah,” alex giggles. “it’ll be alright, though, we’re doing it together.”

**Author's Note:**

> p.s. bottom george stans i Know ur out there and i just want u all to know that i *will* be writing more bottom george <3


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